The 5-Minute Father: What I'm Learning About Building Bonds (The Hard Way)
I don't have this parenting thing figured out—but maybe that's exactly why we need to talk.
It's 6:47 PM on a Tuesday night in June. I just got done with the dishes and my two boys are supposed to be having "educational fun" during their summer break. Instead, they're in a full-blown argument over who gets to play hte math game on Alexa abd use the calculator
"I asked her first!" "But you got the last THREE!" “DAD! He's not being fair!"
And where am I during this domestic crisis? Hunched over my laptop, trying to fix a CSS issue on my website, only half-listening to the chaos unfolding ten feet away.
It wasn't until I heard one of them start crying that it hit me: I'm missing their summer while they're living it.
The Dad I Thought I'd Be vs. The Dad I Am Right Now
When school ended two weeks ago, I had this vision of our summer. I'd balance my work and personal projects with intentional time with the boys. We'd have adventures. I'd be present for the moments that matter.
Reality check: I've spent more time debugging website designs, generating book content, house projects, and blogs than actually engaging with my kids. In fact, right now is a perfect example, I am writing this blog about the “math problem” I quoted above.
The real me gets frustrated when their "educational activities" turn into sibling warfare. The real me finds myself saying "just a minute" when they interrupt my work, even though I know summer break doesn't pause for website launches and house projects.
And I'm starting to think that admitting this might be the first step toward actually showing up for the summer we still have left.
What I'm Learning About Missing Moments (In Real Time)
Here's what I discovered during the Great Alexa Math War of 2025: the moments I think are interruptions are actually the moments.
That argument over math problems? It wasn't really about Alexa. One son was feeling left out. The other was trying to assert some control at the end of a long day that probably felt chaotic to him too.
But here's the thing I'm still figuring out: I can see these moments clearly when I write about them later, but I keep missing them when they're actually happening.
Five Things I'm Trying to Learn This Summer (Want to Join Me?)
I don't have this figured out yet, but I’m experimenting with various approaches. Maybe we can stumble through this together:
1. The "Laptop Closed" Experiment
I'm trying to have specific hours when the laptop stays closed. Not just moved to another room—actually closed. Today I managed it for 45 minutes before I "just needed to check one thing."
What I'm learning: My boys' energy completely changes when they know I'm not half-available.
2. The Sibling Fight Intervention Practice
Instead of yelling "work it out yourselves" from across the room, I'm trying to pause my work and actually walk over. "Okay, wait a minute, tell me your side, and now what is your side of this?"
Current results: Sometimes this works. Sometimes it makes things worse. But at least I'm present for the chaos.
3. The "Summer Schedule" Reality Check
I have great ideas to plan these elaborate educational activities for the boys. Arts and crafts projects. Science experiments. Reading goals. Most of these plans are gathering dust because I underestimated the amount of work it takes to make them happen.
What's surprising: They seem happier when I abandon the Pinterest-perfect summer plans and just pay attention to what they're actually interested in.
4. The Alexa Math Problem Solution
After the Great Math War, I instituted a timer system. Each boy gets 10 minutes with Alexa for math problems, then it switches. I set the timer and then—here's the key part—I sit down and listen to their questions.
The uncomfortable truth: They're asking Alexa really thoughtful questions. I've been missing some pretty clever thinking.
5. The Work Guilt Follow-Up
When I realize I've been too focused on work and missed something important, I try to circle back: "Hey, I noticed I was distracted when you were trying to tell me about your Lego creation. I'm sorry. Can you show me now?"
Plot twist: They're surprisingly forgiving when I actually acknowledge that I wasn't present.
The Pet Project vs. Kids Dilemma
Here's the thing about working from home during summer break: everything feels urgent, but nothing feels more important than the two boys who are experiencing childhood right now.
I keep telling myself I just need to finish this one project, fix this one more chapter, write this one blog post. Then I'll be fully present.
But "after this project" never comes, does it?
My technical background taught me about competing priorities and resource allocation. What I'm learning about fatherhood is that presence isn't a resource you can save up and spend later. It's something you either offer now or you don't.
What I'm Learning About Summer Rhythms
The "five-minute father" concept is being tested every day this summer. When you're home together all day, those brief windows of connection aren't rare opportunities—they're constant invitations.
However, what I didn’t expect was that being physically present doesn't automatically mean being emotionally available.
I can be in the same room as my boys and still be completely absent, thinking about website layouts, speaker arrangements, or my actual day job. They can sense the difference between "Dad's here" and "Dad's actually here."
The Questions That Keep Me Up at Night
As I'm fumbling through the start of this summer, here are the questions I'm wrestling with:
How do I balance building something meaningful (like my website) while not missing their childhood?
When they look back on this summer, will they remember me being distracted or the moments I was fully engaged?
Am I teaching them that work always comes first, even during their break?
How do I model a strong work ethic without making them feel like they're competing with my laptop or cell phone for attention?
I don't have answers to these yet. But I think wrestling with the questions might be changing how I show up each day.
What I'm Learning About Learning
The hardest part about this summer isn't managing their boredom or breaking up their fights—it's catching myself when I'm choosing the urgent over the important.
That personal project will get done, or maybe not. The website will launch. But this summer?
These conversations with the boys? These moments when they still think I'm worth interrupting to tell me about their ideas? These are happening now or not at all.
An Invitation to Learn Together
I'm sharing this not because I've figured out how to balance work and parenting, but because I think there might be power in admitting we're all figuring this out as we go.
Maybe you're like me, trying to build something meaningful while not missing the meaningful moments happening right in front of you. Perhaps you're realizing that good intentions aren't enough if closed laptops, set-down phones, and actual attention do not back them up.
What if we committed to one small experiment this week?
I'm going to try the "laptop closed and put down the phone" thing in the evening after dinner. During that time, I’ll be available for whatever chaos or wonder my boys bring me, even if it's arguing over Alexa's math problems.
What's one way you could practice being present for the summer moments still ahead? Leave a comment below.
I'd love to hear what you're learning about showing up for your kids during these long summer days—the failures, the small wins, the moments when you realized you were there but not really there.
If you're wrestling with similar questions about presence and purpose, you might connect with what I'm exploring in my other writing. We're all figuring this out as we go, and sometimes it helps to know you're not struggling alone. Send me an Email, subscribe to the blog, and leave a comment below.
